Anger-some thoughts

Non- violent anger is an emotion providing useful information for you about what action you want to take or what you want the other person to take.

It might be a signal to you that your boundary has been crossed.

Therefore, it can be helpful and positive, depending on how it’s used.

If it isn’t met with an adult, empathic response, it might turn to rage:

-Hot (Open, outward, explosion, etc.)

-Cold (Silent, withdrawn, passive- aggressive, numb/ ‘cut off’ etc

Tip: People often like to hear things as questions, rather than demands or advice.

These questions for yourself may be helpful:

1.       How easy is it to hear/ experience your partner’s anger?

2.       What makes it easier?

3.       What makes it more difficult?

4.       What behaviour of your partner makes you anxious?

5.       Do you get angry?

6.       What kinds of things do you get angry about?

7.       What do you do with your anger?

8.       What impact o you think it has on your partner?

Some common misconceptions about Anger:

Anger always leads to violence

If my partner is angry then there’s a problem. I must fix it. If I can’t fix it I’ll feel useless, so I don’t want to hear it.

If someone is angry with me, they don’t love me

Anger is a loud outburst

A Truth:

If a person is angry, yes they do have a n issue, but it doesn’t mean that:

1). Someone is to blame

2). Someone must fix it

3). The person they are angry with isn’t loveable. It just means they have an issue.

It may help to just listen.

Anger that is not expressed at the time it is generated ceases to be anger. It might then be added to the pot which contains every other unexpressed emotion, such as resentment- and becomes rage: hot or cold.